Bible

What About Joshua?

We’re currently at the tail end of Joshua, following a Bible In A Year plan, and there are some things about this book that are surprising and others that are problematic. I wonder if everyone everywhere who has ever read the Scriptures have had these same immediate reactions, if they thought, “sheesh, there is an awful lot of killing, so much about totally destroying entire groups of people,” or “why do I care about the boundaries of each tribe’s land?” Probably.

We finished the earlier books, with all of the monotony of the sacrifices, measurements and laws, thought we were done, now we’re back into more super-specific details. What I think when I read it is not, “now, where exactly did Dan’s eastern border stretch?” Instead, it’s that there was a tribe that descended from Dan and it did stretch from one very concrete place to another. Sometimes, we can disconnect and think this all fell out of the sky. It’s easy to forget that this all happened, and it happened in this place at this time to these people. The fact that the book through which God chose to reveal Himself includes countless human beings is extraordinary, as if we’re the medium He chooses to create His masterpiece. So, now, I really like these loooong lists and details (honestly pretty meaningless in themselves, I don’t reference a map or anything, but heavy with significance at their inclusion at all.)

The genocide is another thing altogether. It hurts to read, especially to spend even an extra second in consideration. It’s a little like reading the story of Noah, not through the tiny prism of Noah & his family, but thinking of everyone else. All other people drowned. It’s a horrific story we tell to children. Or speaking of inappropriate kids’ stories, David separates Goliath’s body from his head at the end. I have a million more examples, and 1 question, in light of the last paragraph. If these are real people, in real places, at real times, then real flesh and blood people just like you and me are dying…I guess the question is: What??? If God created us all in His image, and loves us all, then what about the Amorites and Amalekites? What about Goliath?

I just Googled “Amalekites,” and here’s what it says: “The Amalekites were a nomadic, warlike tribe in the Negev desert who served as the first and most persistent enemies of Israel in the Bible. As descendants of Esau, they attacked the Israelites after the Exodus, leading to a divine mandate for their destruction. Amalekite symbolizes absolute evil in Jewish tradition, representing irrational hatred if the Jewish people.”

Ok. That sounds like the extermination of a group of people symbolizing absolute evil representing hatred of God’s chosen people by those chosen people is something we can understand, doesn’t it? It sounds reasonable, even.

Now, I don’t mean to be contrary, but there is a strange passage in chapter 5, before the battle of Jericho. Joshua meets a figure, and in his aggression, essentially asks, “are you with us or against us?” This figure, a “Commander of the army of the LORD” answers, “Neither.” Neither??Now what? What do we do with that? Also, a lot of scholars think this figure was a pre-incarnation appearance of Jesus, who would later famously say, “Love your enemies.” We can assume He meant “the first and most persistent enemies of Israel,” the Amalekites, too.

So now I’m wondering what part we don’t understand. It seems like we are very clear on the Old Testament narrative, we understand enemies and war. Good guys and bad guys, us vs them. We do understand and we honestly don’t seem to mind those parts. The complicated parts are the ones that are complicated by this Commander and Jesus Himself. Neither? Love your enemies? Their words bother us, not the book of Joshua.

And here’s what I’ll say to that: they should. We should be bothered, and we should stay bothered. The words and way of Jesus are revolutionary and radical, we have no frame of reference for the Kingdom of God. Unconditional love and grace is not what we do here, we do productivity and record-keeping. Vengeance above forgiveness.

It’s vital to stay bothered, to keep wrestling with these parts we don’t like, that confront us in the deepest parts of us. (Of course, we do have to be aware of what actually we’re wrestling with/about.) And hidden in the middle of this story is a command for how we’re called to interact with these parts. The Commander says “Neither,” then He says, “now take off your shoes because you’re on holy ground.” That’s so good. He reminds us that when we’re in relationship with Him, it’s all holy ground, and Joshua’s reaction is to fall facedown. When we read the Word, his is the only posture that will work, awe, reverence and total respect, trying to make our lives fit Him instead of twisting Him to fit us.

Joshua IS certainly a tough book, maybe not for the reasons we think it is, but we must not stop reading it.

Puzzle Pieces (extended)

[I wrote this yesterday for my other site, and I keep thinking about other implications & applications for my love of puzzles, so I’m adding to it here (minus the first paragraph about favorite restaurants, which was based on the site prompt and which you probably don’t care too much about).]

This post is a little late, I usually write on Mondays, but I was in the middle of a big, beautiful Star Wars puzzle. That shouldn’t matter, it shouldn’t be an obstacle to real life for a normal person. But I’m not a normal person. I have what’s called an addictive personality, so when I begin a puzzle, we can safely figure it will take nearly every second of my free (or writing/working) time until it’s done. And that’s what it did, for a couple of days, and now it’s finished and glorious.

I love puzzles, and I often used to wonder why. Now, I know. 

The world is more and more mixed up, confusing, frustrating, and I have almost no control over what happens on a macro level. Of course, I have lots and lots of control over how I treat my neighbors or what I buy at the grocery store, or how & when I brush my teeth. But I can’t stop any of the wars happening right now or make the sun come out. I can’t erase any of the President’s increasingly problematic posts on his personal social media site. I can’t bring gas prices down or help the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl. 

So, it feels like our cultural, political, emotional, and economic environments are just big snarling masses of individual pieces, disconnected and random. It’s a dining room table of chaos. But in this Star Wars puzzle’s case, I can find 2 pieces that fit, then a third, and it starts to take shape. You hold one piece and think, how can this possibly make sense? And it really doesn’t, by itself, but there is a meta-narrative that recontextualizes everything, making one central ordered picture that’s full of meaning. 

I think that’s what the Bible is: our meta-narrative that gives the chaos order. It’s our big picture. Each piece is important to the whole, even if we can’t see it now, and it takes lots of patience and hope to continue. The pieces might be love, generosity, or kindness – each individual act or moment – and alone, don’t appear to make much of a difference. However, there is a masterpiece being created, and each of those “random,” “nonsensical” pieces are absolutely required for the final product. What does this mean for us? Well, it means we stay at it, persevering, moving the puzzle pieces, even when it doesn’t look like we’ll ever get done, like these pieces of ours will never matter, because we trust there is a giant Story being told and our pieces are integral. We keep showing up, even as the chaos rages and the temptation to quit rises. We keep showing up, loving The Creator of this Story and each other, in faith.

Puzzles work as a metaphor, a soothing intellectual exercise, a Gospel illustration, and they are super fun. Now that it’s done, I can just appreciate the beauty of cohesion and unity, and that’s just what I’ll do.

Everything I Need

The way that I usually read the Bible is very similar to the Bible In A Year plan. I read a few chapters of the New Testament and a few of the Old. For instance, I am currently in Galatians and Ezekiel, and I sit with my notebook and read until I don’t. It’s at least a chapter of each, but some of the chapters in, say, Isaiah or Ezekiel , are very short, so I might read several. Sometimes, the narrative makes me lose all sense of the big numbers, and in that case, it’s anyone’s guess how long I’ll read.

But lately, I’ve been taking the path specific to the “Bible In A Year,” and I find it quite similar to the Catholic Church, or mega churches, or my sister’s yoga community. When lots and lots of people are in a space, doing the same thing, at the same time, there is a certain energy, a connectedness. When Seinfeld was on, we all watched Thursdays at 9, together, separately, and then talked about it the next day. It’s powerful when thousands are all singing along with the greatest hit in an arena.

Today, the reading was in Luke, and the passage held this important proverb, from Jesus: “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and He will give you everything you need. (Lk 12:31)”

If this were a Sunday morning, I imagine I’d spend the time discussing what “seeking” actually is. What does it mean to seek something “above all else?” And the Kingdom of God is a massive concept, which parts do we seek? All of it? What if we have different understandings of the Kingdom of God? Is the Kingdom I’m seeking the same as the Kingdom you’re seeking? Is that ok? Can we have different perspectives?

But today, I can’t seem to think about anything other than “everything you need.” What do I need? What do I need? What do I need? What do I need? What do I need?

We’d probably thing about food or or drink, first, but Jesus says not to worry or be concerned with those things. Or our clothes. He even says to sell our possessions. (Lk 12:22, 29, 33) So, what would He call needs? Because it seems like our understanding of what we need is the key to our search, doesn’t it? And I wonder if we’ve gotten that part wrong, and have been searching in the wrong places.

Then, He turns it up even further, in verse 34, “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” What is my treasure? Honestly? Is it what I think it is? Does my life show what I treasure? What does my heart truly desire?

Incidentally, I’m not going to answer any of these questions here. Maybe I can’t. But, there are so many places in the Scriptures, when people ask a bunch of questions, God answers with, “Go find some people.”I imagine He’d say that to these questions, too. That’s His gift. So, today, it’s enough to know that we’re all asking these questions at the same time. It’s much more than simply enough.

Jairus

In Sunday’s service, I stated a relatively simple but heavy truth that the Church almost always grows (in both width & depth) in times of oppression…but in prosperity, not so much. This has been played out and proven over history, and probably, our own lives.

In the book of Luke (8:41-42), “a man named Jairus, a leader of the local synagogue, came and fell at Jesus’ feet, pleading with Him to come home with him. His only daughter, who was about 12 years old, was dying.”

It’s not hard to vividly picture this scene in your head. He “came and fell,” “pleading.” His daughter is dying and he’s broken-hearted and broken, he’s poor in spirit. There’s nothing left to do, so he comes to a certain Rabbi, of whom he’s heard rumors. Who knows if they’re true, but he’s at the end of his rope. Imagine his face and footsteps. I don’t think he ran – maybe he did, but the word ‘fell’ brings images of heavy feet and slumped shoulders to me, of barely getting to Jesus before collapsing under the weight of such intense loss. He pleads, begs, cries, wails. “Help her, Rabbi, please help her!!” It’s 2 verses that are absolutely, totally devastating.

Now, maybe Jairus was always following Jesus, maybe he was one of the first followers. Maybe he knew Jesus, maybe he believed. But maybe not, and that’s what I imagine. If he knew him, believed, he would have come sooner. The Jairus in my head was skeptical, fell right into line with the Jewish teachers and Pharisees in his circle. Or maybe, even, he was decidedly not a believer. Instead, maybe he thought this Rabbi was a dangerous threat to his God and his religion.

But pain and suffering, oppression, lead us into some very uncomfortable spaces, right? We say & do things we might never say & do. We’re much more open minded, less likely to close any doors, more likely to open already closed doors. Jesus is a trouble-maker, but when her daughter is dying, what if it’s true??? What can it hurt?

Jairus asks. He seeks, He knocks. He cries out in his broken-ness. And God answers. When Israel is in Egypt and cries out, God answers.

When things are great, clicking along, the bills are paid, the sun is shining, we have a great tendency to forget. When we’re being promoted at work, we think we deserve it, we’ve earned it, we’re capable and strong. We know what to do. But when we’re fired, we’re lost, afraid, weak, and have no idea what to do or where to go. When we cry out for Help, God is far more apt to rescue us, than when we think we’re in control and so awesome we could never need/use any help from anyone.

To tell you the truth, as I’m thinking about it, Levi (Matthew) is a much more exceptional story. He was a guy who had a good job, power, lots of money, and when Jesus said, “Follow me,” he left that all behind. We’re probably way more Jairus than Levi.

Today is a gorgeous day, I slept great last night, and now I feel good and got a bunch done in the yard and my closet. I ate terrific pizza with my son for lunch. The Angel will be home in a minute. Today is a very good day. And I didn’t think of God too much, today. I said Thank You a few times, fleeting and quick. Sunday, I had a headache that woke me up out of sleep in the middle of the night, ibuprofen didn’t help, it was agony, and I spent hours in prayer.

The idea is that, whether we have everything or nothing, whether it’s sunny or sleeting, whether our bank accounts are overflowing or empty, whether our hearts are overflowing or empty, God is still God and loves us exactly the same. I bet this is the “secret” Paul talked about, except it’s not really a secret at all, it’s the secret practice of turning our hearts toward Jesus not only on Saturday, when it hurts, but also on Sunday, when we’re healed.

Weather???

What is my favorite kind of weather, the site wants to know. They’re not all great, right? You would be hard pressed to find a less interesting way to spend your writing/reading time. But then, this morning, one of the email lists I subscribe to sent these thoughts & questions (with the title “Do you wish life was different?”):

“Your life simply reflects what you’ve prioritized…What does your life tell you about your priorities? Do you wish it were different?”

We talk about values & the Biblical concept of weight (as in, what weighs more, observing the Sabbath or pulling your donkey out of a hole?) often. We discuss the foundations on which we build our lives. What do you believe about God, the world & yourself? And would your actions testify to those answers, or would they be a jarring contradiction?

This email doesn’t come from an espoused Christian, but it certainly asks a question that is inherently “Christian.” You have this wonderful gift of life, how will you spend it? What is important to you?

After I fell in love with Jesus, there were months where I didn’t open my Bible, where my fingers didn’t touch the spine, where it just sat on my bedside table collecting dust. But I would’ve absolutely told you that the Scriptures were very important to me. That’s just one of many hypocrisies that had to be addressed, before I could comfortably state that consistency was one of my core values. If it’s so important to me that you know what you’ll be getting from me, that I am authentically me all the time, that the principles I hold would be in the same room at a party, then I have to do quite a bit of work to honestly look at my thoughts, actions, motivations. I have to constantly examine myself in the harsh light of the mirror. It has been terribly frightening to confront the possibility that my boys and the Angel (the 3 who live in my house and know me the best) would not recognize the preacher at the Bridge. Would they hear me speak about the importance of the Bible and never have seen me read it? Would they hear me talk about honoring our spouses, while I am cutting and disrespectful to my own wife? Judgment, generosity, etc. I don’t know if you know, but we regularly read 1 Corinthians 13 on Sunday mornings, what if I am neither patient nor kind? What sort of example is that? Am I a Pharisee? I mean, yes, of course I am, but am I growing? Am I on the path, following Jesus? Is my life one marked by love?

We all have these spaces that confront – let’s call them invitations. That sounds much less aggressive, doesn’t it? Would we put family at number 1 but haven’t made it home for dinner in weeks, and haven’t spoken to my parents since last Christmas? Is eating right or exercise a “value” of ours, when we haven’t seen the gym lately and don’t remember the last time we’ve eaten a vegetable? Do we say we love our church community, while we don’t really go? Is giving an important discipline, but it’s often the first thing to get cut? Do we say we “love like Jesus,” but we really hate our enemies? It’s endless, and each example we give might hit a little too close to home. (Of course, the rub is: we would have to be willing to tell the truth, to and about ourselves. That’s where this can so easily break down.)

This emailer – Mark Manson – asks what our lives tell us about our priorities, and do we wish it was different? Do we wish we were more present? More faithful? More loving, caring, thoughtful? Do we wish our marriages were stronger, our families closer? Do we wish we were more responsible with our money, our time, our calories? Do we wish we were more mindfully enjoying the blessings in our lives?

I’ve been saying “more” and “better,” but that’s not the only thing we wish, right? Are we overwhelmed? Do we wish our calendars were less full? That we were less busy and distracted all the time?

What do all of these factors and characteristics say about our lives? Easter is such a great season to evaluate what goes into our hearts and lives. The resurrection is the best time to ask what we truly believe is possible. Where does the empty tomb fit into our priorities? If we answered yes to any of my own questions, do we trust that we can set a new course? That who we are right now might not be who we will be, that we just might not be done growing yet?

Easter is a time of intense hope… do we believe that? Does the way we live our lives affirm that theology? Probably not, but what better time could there possibly be to transform than right now???

Details

The site (in it’s daily prompt) is asking about my approach to budgeting. Maybe this is interesting, maybe you’d like to know, maybe right now you are considering a budget to get a handle on your finances and think the universe directed you here for THE answer. If the universe directed you here, it was for a different reason, not budgeting principles; I’m actually not going to write about my approach to budgeting. However, budgeting certainly fits into what I opened my computer to discuss.

In last week’s message, we studied the parable of the soils. In this story, Jesus explained how we all receive messages or information, advice, correction, and on and on. It could be anything, really. But in this case, it’s the Gospel. We might not receive it at all. We might like it now, but the second the path gets hard, we abandon it. We might like it now, but get distracted by/in our pursuit of pleasure or comfort. And we might like it now and soak it up and end up completely transformed. The obvious question is, what kind of soil are we??? How do we encounter new ideas, especially the ones that are critical or outside of our current understanding? Do we hold a growth or fixed mindset? Do we already know everything there is to know? Are we always right?

Our world is overflowing with this fixed perspective. We fight like crazy to defend our right-ness and ignore any conflicting evidence. I suppose this is pretty natural. We get lost and try to find our worth in all sorts of counterfeits, and that leads us to hold & rabidly defend our positions because we’ve tied our worth to our production. If we’re not right, if we don’t have the answers, then what are we? We’re hard, bad, unfriendly soil.

SO, what this has to do with budgeting is in the details we build into our lives to open us up to new pathways. How we show up on a Sunday morning is often influenced by Saturday night or last week or this coming week. And how we show up to ourselves & each other is always set by our heart posture towards the world. What matters? If nothing does, then nothing does. If only some specific items matter, then we can easily give much much less (if anything at all) in the other spaces. But if everything matters, then every moment is holy and cracking with significance. Each conversation, interaction, book, show, meal, has the potential to give life.

What are our own details?

Maybe there aren’t any, and probably in that case, our lives testify to that lack. We are reactionary and chase whatever is here, now, and shiny. Where does our money go? If we aren’t choosing to be intentional (i.e. budgeting), then we’ll find we’re choosing to be poor stewards of these gifts. This principle works for time, energy, for everything you can think of.

The parable is so important (much more than I ever guessed) because everything else depends on the quality of our own, personal soil. And tilling that soil (with The Spirit) requires an attention to details, intentionality, and discipline. Yes, of course, we don’t like that, but if we remain poor soil, nothing new gets in – we stay voices of screaming rage in political message boards, never listening, never empathetic, never connecting – and stay the same people that we’ve always been.

How do you prepare to read, to pray, to eat? How do you come to the table or the gym? What does your desk look like? Do you have a routine/plan when you go to bed? It would be great if those answers didn’t display, or assign, value, but they do. And this parable leaves us with my favorite question: now what?

So I Got Up And Went

Ezekiel 3:22-23 – Then the LORD took hold of me, and He said to me, “Go out into the valley, and I’ll talk to you there.” So I got up and went, and there I saw the glory of the LORD, just as I had seen it in my first vision by the Kebar River.

[I fully recognize that I usually don’t write a second post in a week, but “usually” doesn’t account for passages like this one. In fact, so much is happening inside my heart and head, I’ll also write a second post on my other blog. I can’t tell if what’s happening is particularly good or bad (parts of it are obviously bad, some obviously good, but in total, who knows?), but no matter, this IS a week of stretching, a week that will certainly leave me changed. And I guess, like most things, it’s up to me – or rather, the Holy Spirit and I, and our interpretation, what those changes will be. I do know the stretching is awfully uncomfortable. I do know that.]

Anyway, the Ezekiel passage…

Early in Sunday’s message, I’ll say, “Forgiveness is non-negotiable,” and this will not be an easy pill to swallow. Sure, if we don’t think about it too hard, it’s fine. We’ve heard it before, yes, yes, 70×7 times, we know. But. It’s just like Love is patient and kind…keeps no record of wrongs…never fails. Except we can be impatient, unkind, keep detailed records in ink, and our love fails, especially when it comes to the impossible command to “love [our] enemies.” We’ve heard that, too, and we quote it. It’s in red letters in our Bibles. We’ve learned how to use it like a weapon. Yes, you should really love your enemies… but me? My enemies are different, right?

So, we’re wrestling with big IFs. If the Bible – even the red letters – is practical, here & now. Sure, it says it, very clearly, but are we really supposed to actually do it? What about the passages on violence, or rather, non-violence? (That is just about the only place we choose to ignore the gospels and defer to the Old Testament, for our viewpoints.)

I’m also thinking about the game of spiritual MadLibs we play. It’s just the words we use that we figure change the sentence. All sins are equal at the foot of the cross, Jesus forgives them all, even _______. As we agree on the theology, we stubbornly hold on to some transgressions that we think negate that equality. We think some of the ways we fill in the blank change the “even” to “except.” But no word changes the meaning.

And as I’m wrestling with this exact tension in my life, I begin the book of Ezekiel today and read this passage. God said “Go” and Ezekiel got up and went.

In our lives, when God says “Go,” or “Forgive,” or “Love” or “Honor,” or “Take care of” or Be merciful, “ or whatever, do we get right up and go/forgive/love/honor/take care of/show mercy/etc? Forgive…so I got up and forgave. Love…so I got up and loved.

There’s not a hint of IF anything. If it’s comfortable, convenient, hard. If I want to. He said “Go” and Ezekiel got up and went. It’s so simple. There’s no why or explanation, just “Go.” Just that He said so. Period.

And now, we come to some very deep water: What am I going to do with this? Is “He said so” enough for me? Is it really a period? Am I going to get up and go?

I’d love to tell you yes. And I hope & fear (in equal measures, if I am honest) that this is the big step the stretching is preparing me to take. And yet, again, I am facing this path, overwhelmed with gratitude – for God, and for you – that I don’t have to do it alone.

Charam-ed

In last week’s message, we discussed the Hebrew word “charam,” which usually means “utterly destroy,” but is also used as “consecrate.” Consecrate is a word I used to describe as Christian-ese, as this super secret language that felt like a secret handshake or password that could easily separate those who belong from those who certainly do not. I use this term (Christian-ese) derisively, because as one who did not belong, I felt dismissed and excluded. I didn’t have their code, so of course, I didn’t want their code.

I’m a different person now, one who likes words and definitions. Charam. Consecration is to “set apart something for a sacred purpose.” It’s like an offering. When I write my first check (if you’re of a certain age, you can Google “writing checks” to know what this is) to the church, I consecrate that money. This can be anything; time, energy, stuff, etc. If everything is God’s, gifted to us, this is our natural response. We give it back. Charam can also describe excising any hurtful, damaging, contaminating aspect, “giving” it to God, (or utterly destroying it), so it doesn’t spread and infect the whole. Again, if everything is God’s, this is keeping it nice, in good repair, and trying to not allow it to be stained.

Today, I’m thinking of it in a new way. (Probably outside of the definition, but I’m also thinking that’s ok – I can do whatever I want with these words, can’t I?)

I have what I believe is a bruise on my hip bone. And it sometimes hurts like crazy. When I engage in any physical activity (like lifting weights, walking, playing basketball, or, say, shoveling snow), it hurts. These physical things are vital to me, they comprise an integral piece of my overall health, and maybe this bruise can interfere with my development, growth, and living as a healthy person. A healthy person is able to lean in and participate in his/her ministry (and we all have one – and that one, shared, is loving people, neighbors and enemies alike, and loving this wonderful creation). It’s the same reason I am so intentional about keeping my home relatively drama free (as much as possible)…so I can show up, and help others carry their burdens. If I am personally in ruins, I simply don’t have the capacity (time, energy, or anything else) to engage as a peaceful presence for anyone else.

But this painful bruise can keep me from doing the things that allow me to live at a high level. Left unaddressed, it will contaminate, or hurt, my life, health, and by extension, my ministry. I am/will be in disrepair, living beneath my call. It has to be “charam-ed.”

We all have “bruises,” and far more often, they are not physical. They are character issues, unfaithfulness, control, selfishness, unchecked sin. (Of course, sin is just anything that causes us to live beneath our worth.) They’re not physical, they are largely invisible, which makes the whole thing so absolutely necessary, and so hard to do. It requires us to pay attention to our lives and hearts, requires us to examine our motives and values, requires us to show up to ourselves. Consecrating our own lives is, probably, one of the most important things we’ll do, as new people.

Getting rid of the bruises doesn’t make God love us more – that is impossible – but it will make us different, and us being more of who we’re created to be, consecrated, can and will make this world different. It’ll move, more and more, into the world we’d like to live in, the world we’ve been created to live in.

A New Submission & Thoughts on It

I received a new submission to this blog, and I’ll share it in a minute (with my thoughts).

But first, I do want to tell you that I am still reeling, still taken apart by Sunday’s message on 1 Corinthians, chapter 13: the love chapter. The simple fact that it is a choice, a decision we consciously make, is overwhelming. When I act in an unloving way (impatient, unkind, easily angered, keeping score/record of wrongs, etc), for whatever reason, it is a rejection of Jesus’ role in my life, heart, hands, feet & behavior. – reading over that paragraph, it sounds jumbled and full of side comments, paths & parentheses. I’m not cleaning it up, because that’s exactly how I feel.

Now, the submission (from an anonymous author):

“Lee and Annette Woofenden indicate the possibility that a happily married couple, under certain conditions may be reunited in Paradise. In a message entitled, “Loving Jesus More Than Life” by John Piper, dated November 23, 2015, he refers to Matthew 10:37 “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” and “Whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

If our desire to enter Heaven is based on wanting to be reunited with a happily married spouse and that desire exceeds waning to enjoy the love of Jesus, we risk losing the thing we desire due to incorrect priority.

Jesus is aware of our love for a spouse. If we love Jesus foremost, He will provide a love relationship for a spouse or parent or child.”

I don’t know if you remember, a few months ago, we received another submission that was posted (September 22, 2025, “Til Death?”) on a similar subject. This one has a slightly different tone.

“Till Death?” details the unselfish, beautiful, covenantal marriage relationship that could (and that’s all we really have in our limited knowledge, isn’t it? a “could.”) endure forever and ever in paradise. Here, the thoughtful writer explores the “risk” of an “incorrect priority.” It is as if he goes down a path, then, satisfied, wonders if the path is the right path, ultimately deciding that whatever the path, the love of Jesus must be “foremost.” I don’t know, so this is only my imagination, but it seems like a person wrestling with the Scriptures and his/her place in them.

We can (and often do) read the Bible and, if it doesn’t agree with our opinions, we toss it aside. We want the Bible to submit to our will, instead of the other way around. Seemingly, this person isn’t content to leave a thread of faith, and his heart for God, unexplored. And if his faith & heart don’t line up, then he/she will take any level of demolition and reconstruction to make sure it does. It’s a beautiful picture of a marriage to a spouse, and even more so of a marriage to His/Her Creator/Savior.

I now see that’s what is ravaging me about this week’s love message. I don’t always want to act in a loving way. I want to be impatient, I want you to know what you did wrong and apologize. When you hurt me like this, I want you to change. I like the adrenaline of anger. I really, really like to be right. I lose hope. And I can give you a million reasons why, and for at least a hundred of them, you’d agree with me. You’d think I am justified in my un-love.

And this beautiful Bible… And the words, life, death, resurrection, and heart of Jesus, to all of my well-thought arguments, listens patiently, nodding along, validates my feelings, maybe He weeps at my broken heart & spirit (just like He did for Mary & Martha), but He hears me, really hears me, and then I imagine He looks me straight in the eyes HE created for me, and softly, tenderly, says, “Yeah, about that. You know how much I love you, but I don’t care about that at all. You’re going to love them anyway.”

He knows I will. I will choose Him, choose love. So I try. I mean, I will, eventually (because there is only “do or do not, there is no try”).

We don’t get it right today, or all the time, we just keep showing up – to Him, to each other, to ourselves. And as our anonymous author shows us, if we can just not give up, He leads us to the right answers.

Do I?

I behaved abysmally this morning. Now, what exactly happened isn’t important, but that it happened is. Poor behavior mostly all comes from the same place, and I am no different. I read a book that suggested that those times when we get ourselves into trouble stem from a clever acronym of emotional states: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, And T (I don’t remember what the T stands for…Tired!! That’s it!). HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I am currently a combination of all of those, and the book used its clever acronym to ask us to halt, instead of making a mess. I did not halt; I made a mess.

[I hesitate to write this post, because it’s very possible to read these posts and miss the meaning. I am not fishing for encouragement, do not need cheering up. This is different from reading a post written by someone you don’t know personally. You are beautiful, you deeply care for me, and may feel concern. I am ok. I would reach out, if that were not the case. This is not simply an overshare, I do have a specific reason for writing, and oversharing just provides the context;) You’ll see why I am ok, at the very end. Now.]

I do not behave abysmally very often, anymore. Honestly, this morning was wildly out of character, surprising me and the other involved parties. It is not a lifestyle, I didn’t recognize myself at all. It was an embarrassing momentary catastrophe, and will have virtually no long-them effects (except in my own head & heart).

That’s not an excuse – I have no excuses, and don’t need any. But it is important, because how we respond to ourselves and our actions depends on if it is a sin, or a lifestyle of sin. Did we fall in a hole, or are we choosing to jump in that hole and live there? I fell. Now what?

Sometimes, we encounter mirrors that contain an important question about our beliefs and values. We say we believe these things, do we really? Do I?

If you were to relay the same story to me, if our roles were completely reversed, I would tell you how loved you are. I would not judge, I would acknowledge the punishment you had already inflicted on yourself, recognize your contrite repentance, immediately forgive, and encourage you to give you a break and move forward. I would do all of these things, because I whole-heartedly believe Romans 8, that there’s no condemnation in Christ Jesus, that God takes our sins as far as the east is from the west, and remembers them no more. I think He accepts our repentance with joy, seeing growth and a heart that wants to beat for Him (even if it sometimes can’t help to beat for itself, with disastrous consequences.) And I think He asks us to love each other in the same way. I would recognize the roots (the HALT situation) and try to address those, together.

I believe those same truths apply to me, too. That is my theology. And when I come upon this mirror of conviction that asks if my theology is my application, is my practice, I wonder what my answer is. Do I? And do I so much that I would continue to work to undo an entire lifetime whipping myself with my self-loathing. When faced with cracks in my character, can I have grace for me, too? Are they actually cracks, at all? Can I move forward as a new creation, forgiven from my human fragility, and made holy, in Him?

The mess I made took about 5 minutes, beginning to end, but it only took 3 seconds to be sorry about it. Right at the start. The rest of the 5 minutes was an apology and explanation, an attempt to halt, call timeout and come back in to shore, back home.

The lie says that the mess is me, and the rest of my whole life is the illusion, a construct that was bound to fall at some point, that I could only fake for so long, and the real me would eventually emerge. The truth is that these holes we all fall in, from time to time, do not change our identity. I am not perfect, I was never supposed to be. I am a work in progress, He is transforming me every moment, every day.

It’s sometime an attack to our ego to admit that we are still becoming, that we have not arrived, that we don’t have it all perfectly together. But, attack or not, it’s true. So now what? What do we do?

I knew what I would do, and as I ran to Him by opening my Bible, I read a short line on Hezekiah in the book of Isaiah. A foreign power threatened him and his people, and he was afraid. (That was the lie he heard, all lies aren’t the same for each of us, not even the same for ourselves, at different times.) He freaked out, and immediately ran into the Temple in prayer. Me, too. I freaked out, and ran right into His arms, hoping He’d be merciful and tell me the Truth, about this, about me, and in that, most importantly, about Himself. I found just what Hezekiah did, that He is very willing to do that, over and over again.

I guess I’m not supposed to tell you any of this, I’m supposed to carefully cultivate a bulletproof image. Of course, I don’t struggle, don’t fall in any holes, am never hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. But what I could never get through my thick head is that, if I pretend to actually be that ridiculously dishonest image, I am saying it’s just you. I would be building false walls and blasphemous hierarchies.

We are all on this journey, to Him, WITH Him. Of course, we’re at different places. Someone is always further along. We’re just walking each other home. And I think we all have these holes, questions, and mirrors. It’s what we do when we face them that matters, that shows where our faith is, and if what we say is really what we believe. Probably, living a life of faith is just a series of steps closer to answering that question with a “yes.”