perspective

Dreams

I have 2 website where I write. There’s this one, and there’s another where I choose to discuss movies and music and terrible referees or whatever catches my eye. The hosting site gives a prompt every day, I’ll sometimes use that. That blog is always about Jesus, too, because everything is always about Jesus. I just might not use Bible verses there. Every now and then, a post happens and it fits into both spaces. This is one of those.

I’ve been meaning to write about a verse in 1st Kings, I started it 2 weeks ago, and it’ll be cool, but I keep getting sidetracked by basketball points or snow days or, in this case, dreaming. I assure you, I will get to that one, just not today. So, anyway, here it is:

This site is asking me what my dream job is… 

There’s a story in the Bible I reference often. A blind man reaches out to Jesus, asking for help, and to this, Jesus responds, “What do you want me to do for you?” It sounds pretty simple and obvious, but I have found it’s anything but simple or easy. For an endless number of reasons, we don’t ask to see. We ask for a new can or sunglasses, or a better attitude to deal with the blindness, or enhanced hearing or taste. This man alongside the road understands the assignment, asks to see, and is immediately granted his sight. 

So, like the site, I sit down with people and ask, “What do you want?” How they answer that is always fascinating. But the saddest reply (for both of us) is, “I don’t know.” We’ve gotten so used to blindness. Or we’ve lowered our hopes & expectations to the point where sight is impossible. Or, in the case of the site’s question, we’ve stopped dreaming a long time ago.

I had a job for 16 years. It changed my life for the first 10, then quickly deteriorated for the last 6. You’d think I would pray for a new job, new opportunities, an imagination that could hope for a new path. Just something new and wonderful. But my prayer was to endure in a more positive fashion. The site question wouldn’t have made sense. The question from Jesus would’ve been met with silence. 

Probably, the most damage we can inflict on our children is to steal their imagination. The adults in the room talk about realistic expectations (which is just another way to open the door for them to join us in dark rooms of despair.) I want to be a superhero. Really? Why? To help people. Because I see injustice. To fix what is broken. Whatever the why, there are a million pathways for that. But I was told, over and over, that it was impossible, that I was wrong and had better craft a Plan B (or C or F) that was more reasonable. Go to college, make money, work in a nice office with a window and fancy title. Get a job and a new car. Wear a suit & tie. Pull your head out of the clouds and chain it to the plow of consumerism. Superheroes aren’t real life.

Except they are. I meet superheroes every day, I see people do extraordinary feats all around. It just takes eyes to see – maybe that’s the point of the interaction between that man and Jesus. We might have our sight, but we sure can’t see. They are (you are) ordinary men & women who haven’t had their dreams dashed on the rocks of ‘good sense,’ who still believe that we can make a difference and change the world, who still believe that every day is a chance to rewrite what is, and create what will be, who love without limit or abandon. Ordinary? No way, they are absolutely superheroes, they just don’t wear capes and cowls.

This is what I get to do. I get to ask those questions, re-frame the conversation, and try to inject some hope back into our lives. This is my dream job, and those grown-ups were wrong, I do get the chance to be a superhero.

Hypocrisy

In this documentary I’m  in the process of watching, a girl named Natalia Grace is living with a family where the husband/father is a bishop in a denominational local church. As he was introduced, I said to the Angel, “Oh no, I hope he’s not the worst, and doesn’t do anything awful.” Maybe he will, but there was a scene where he got into an argument that nearly turned physical with Natalia Grace’s previous adoptive father. It began with the bishop’s stern scolding for this guy to watch his language, and that was enough. The scolded person raged like a child, tearing off his microphone and leaving. The bishop and the guy’s lawyer faced off, taking this all into the street, where they were nose to nose, all peacocks trying to assert their dominance in typical neanderthal behavior. Sigh.

And I thought of Paul’s letters.

Then, last week, we had a basketball game at a Christian high school (which may have been Lancaster Mennonite). Over the last many years, we have found religious schools to be at the bottom in terms of behavior and sportsmanship, this school (which may have been Lancaster Mennonite) consistently being the very most depressing.

As a matter of fact, I wrote my one and only heartbroken email to a school website after a particularly gross display. I almost wrote my second last week.

We had quite a few friends and family members there to watch my son’s game, some of whom aren’t Jesus followers, for the same reason most aren’t. If you ask people on any street to describe Christians, the first response isn’t usually “loving,” “kind,” or “patient,” it’s not sin or mistakes or anything related to what we actually do, it’s “hypocritical.” And if our call is the Great Commission, hypocrisy is the major obstacle. I am more and more convinced that it’s very nearly impossible to meet the real Jesus, and read the real Bible, and not fall in love with Him. But we don’t, and instead, we decide who He is, and what the Scriptures say, based on the people who follow Him and sit in pews on Sunday morning.

Now, we can recognize that we are all hypocritical sometimes, right? I am and you are, but we know each other, we have a close relationship with a lot of history and experience, so it’s fairly easy to accept each other’s flaws. It’s why it’s so much easier to call someone a monster from far away and rationalize the same actions in our home. BUT, if the first impression you had of me was me aggressively pretending to be one thing while I am clearly another, we might not have gotten to have that deep, rich history in our relationship.

The fact that this Christian school from last week (which may or may not have been Lancaster Mennonite) has chosen winning high school basketball games perhaps isn’t the main problem, it’s the corporate prayer over the loudspeaker before the game, and the circle of players at half court afterwards that is.

If you’re driving home today, and a monster truck, whose driver is yelling out the window, giving you 2 hands of birds, cuts you off, and as you’re veering from the road into the grass, you see that truck speeding away with a school of Jesus fish and Bible verse stickers papering the tailgate…well, I don’t imagine you’re going home looking for a local church to get to the bottom of that person’s faith.

Paul writes about tv documentary bishops and half court prayers in most of his letters, except he uses words & phrases like “live blameless lives,” “don’t drink so much, or “be faithful to your wife,” and lots of other timely examples. Not because if we’re not blameless or if we lie or want our neighbor’s donkey, God will be mad at us and rescind our rescue, revoke our salvation. After all, Paul also says, “everything is permissible,” and “I can do anything,” says that salvation (thankfully) isn’t based on our resume in the least. However, in the next breath, he says, “don’t do anything that causes another to fall.” So much of the list of behaviors are really about removing any obstacles that we build between ourselves and Jesus’ love. That’s our call and our mission. He knows if I am not faithful to my wife in my personal life while I am publicly teaching the texts that speak of honor and fidelity, it might be a bitter pill for you to swallow, and a pill that might push you far away. If I teach of purity, and you see me at a place I should not be, with people I should not be with, doing things I should not be doing, it could act as a wedge that keeps you away (whether that is fair or not.)

I’m writing this, not to disparage that bishop or that school (which may or may not be…you get the picture), but as a real life epistle from the Apostle Paul. The Bible happened, and it happens everyday since. The Great Commission is still our commission, just because we can doesn’t mean we should, and our call is, has always been, to build bridges. It is to get us to lower our arms so He can wrap His around us all. And sometimes prayers on the town square aren’t meant for Him at all.

What Could I Do Differently?

You know the hosting website for this blog asks questions. Sometimes, they’re pretty dumb, but other times… Today’s site prompt is: What could you do differently?

That’s a terrific one, because the way we answer speaks volumes about who we really are. What if your answer is, “nothing at all?” Think about everything that level of arrogance says. Is it arrogance OR maybe contentment and acceptance. How about, “I’ve never thought about it before?” Or, “I could floss in the mornings?” “I’d like to tell my kids I love them.” “Maybe go a new way to work?” “Read a novel.” “Go to church (or the gym or the school board meeting.)” Great question, right?

Are we answering what we could do differently? That question is endless, we could literally do everything differently. Sleep on the other side of the bed, eat with our left hand, slide down handrails. Or are we answering what we should do differently? which is a totally different thing they’re asking. I wonder how the AI prompt generator meant it. Mostly, I wonder how we read it, but of course I would wonder that. It’s a variation of the topic of the last 2 Sunday mornings. What now? Who are you? Who do you want to be? How do we get there? How do we “prepare the horses,” or “build the house?” Are our relationships, jobs, whatever – are our lives what we want them to be, based on our own Divine creation? And what could we do differently?

Are we loving our neighbors? We could probably do that differently. Are we caring for our marriages & families in ways they understand and receive? We can always do that differently. Our answers are as unique as we are. After service on Sunday, a very good friend who is a brilliant woman was asking what kind of hose she is. (The message discussed being conduits, being hoses, for the love of God to travel through.) Was she a soaker? A sprinkler? Think about all the kinds of hoses and flows. Which one are we, today? Which one will we be tomorrow? Could we be a different kind of hose? Are we even a hose at all?

Questions are so much fun. Lives are so rarely transformed by a scolding, or even a directive. Do this. Do that. You know what you should do or what you should think or who you should vote for??? We usually unplug right about then, and start looking around for somewhere else to be. But a question, that’s an invitation that gives us the chance to consider, to hold the strong, lovely, wise hand of Jesus and walk into dark spaces we might not have gone otherwise.

Jesus asks a blind man, “What do you want Me to do for you?” I wonder what I want Him to do for me? Jesus, what do You want to do for me? What do I want? Is that what I really want? Is that what would bring me joy & peace? Jesus, what could I do differently? His question opens the door into all sorts of new questions, new opportunities to know ourselves, to know Him, to trust. To know what to do, and discover the courage to do it. To love.

And then, well, that’s the tricky part, we listen. Now that I think about it, it’s how I’d answer the site prompt: I would listen.

Play

The site prompt today is “what was the last thing you did for play or fun?” And probably this is it for me. I like to write, it’s super fun. But I was also thinking about you this morning and opened my computer to post. This question is in the same ballpark.

So first, what was the last thing you did for play or fun? Do you love to sing, or play the guitar? Paint? Work out, make or eat a great meal, reorganize your closet? Meet a friend for lunch? Binge watch tv shows or go to the movie theater? Play board games, read novels, listen to Morrissey albums, watch high school basketball games? Sleep? Kiss your wife? What are the things that make you come alive, refresh you, or give you rest? What are the things that are like revival to your tired soul? What are the things that, when you do them, you lose time & think, “I was born to do this, and could do it forever?”

I sat down to write this because I’m neck deep in reflection, evaluation, and anticipation – of the last year, the last several years, the upcoming days, months, years, who I was, who I am, who I am becoming. And this path always leads me to the Bible passage in the gospels where a blind man reaches out to Jesus, who asks him, “What do you want Me to do for you?”

If Jesus were to ask us that same question, how would we answer? Do we know? Have we ever even considered it? Who, what, do we love? What do we dream of, when we allow our imaginations off the least of routine and responsibility? What do we want Jesus to do in our lives? Do we believe He wants to, do we believe He can? Who is our God (or god)? Where are we blind and desperately need sight?

Speaking of doing something for play and fun, these questions are really fun, right? Do you remember sitting in elementary school letting our minds run wild, anywhere they wanted. The exhilaration of the lives we’d have. We wanted to be superheroes or artists, or moms or dads, or rock stars, and at some point, life and grown ups told us that it was impossible, to be realistic, to lower our expectations for our lives, that it is what it is.

But they were wrong. We are superheroes to someone, it isn’t just what it is, and we are all artists. Our greatest work of art are these lives we have been given…the problem is, we stopped seeing them as art. In lowering our expectations, we forgot who we were, who we were made to be, and settled for unfulfilling jobs, buying stuff we don’t need, emotionally distant from our spouses and children, believing the lie that what we do doesn’t matter, that we can’t change, that it can’t change. We became blind to the Divine, to the Holy Spirit (THE SAME Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead) living in us. We are the blind men alongside the road, reaching out to Jesus. He’s asking us the same question…

What are we going to tell Him, the One who set those talents, gifts, dreams, passions, blessings in our hearts? I, for one, want to see. That’s what I want for Christmas, from the Giver of all of our best presents.

The Grateful

Gratitude Journals. Gratitude Breaths. Thank You Notes. Those are the first 3 in an email list of gratitude practices, as it is Thanksgiving this week. I think we’ve probably heard all of them before, We’ve been told to make lists and to slow down and breathe many times. Maybe we haven’t had thank-you notes suggested (when was the last time we passed a hand-written note at all??), but it certainly does make sense to acknowledge kindness and beauty.

The 4th requires an explanation. Flip The Script means, in difficult situations, we ask,”what is one thing I can be thankful for in this situation?” It’s a simple re-frame that can exchange one “O” word – obstacle – for another – opportunity. And it reminds me of a different email I received yesterday, that stated “the opposite of misery isn’t happiness, it’s gratitude,” and asked us to “Be grateful for your struggles, because within them is the opportunity for growth and meaning.”

In the movie I watched last night, after saving the multiverse (don’t ask), one character asked if the time variance agency (really, don’t ask) could change another character’s regrettable, awful past for rescuing the world. He was told that past, that deeply painful past, is what created the hero that could save us all. There was nothing to change.

By the way, it was yet another instance of a story where the hero sacrifices him- or her-self so everyone else can live. Sounds familiar. I point this pattern out to my boys every time we see it, and explain that it’s in so many stories because it’s The Best Story. Our Creator, Savior, and redemption are wired into our souls. We all know it, and so does Hollywood. (I was going to add “whether they admit it or not,” but that’s silly. They admit it with every re-telling.)

Anyway. I’m just spending the time this week reflecting on gratitude, in general, as a concept, and in my own life, specifically. We could make lists or flip all the scripts, but each of them, any/all of them, are designed to open our eyes and turn our heads. Paul writes that we are to be thankful in everything, and that’s unbelievably difficult sometimes.

But so was my first deadlift. A deadlift works nearly all of the muscles in your body. It’s hard and I struggled to do very light weights. However, I wanted to do it, I wanted to be a man who deadlifts. And guess what happened? I kept watching YouTube videos on correct, safe form. I asked questions and studied others in the gym. I deadlifted often, even when I didn’t want to, didn’t feeeeeel like it. The light weights increased as it became an integral part of my workout routine. It’s still hard, but it’s awesome. I am a man who deadlifts.

I think gratitude is probably the same idea. Being a grateful person requires all of us, asking muscles we don’t always use to grow and strengthen. And we pay attention, hand writing notes (maybe we should bring handwriting back) or reading mass emails or whatever, and keep gratituding. Even when we really don’t feeeeeel like it.

We have been given our very lives, each breath, each moment. We’ve been given each other, the beauty of the changing leaves and the Church. We’ve been given touch, smiles, kisses, tapioca pudding, and breakfast sausage. We have been made to deadlift, we’ve just seen the wind & forgotten. Way deep down, in all of the most authentic parts of us, under all of the rock in which we hide, we are The Grateful. So, how about, starting with this week, we begin chipping away at the rock and reveal this stunning true nature of ours.

Everything & Everyone

On Sunday, we ended with verses that seemed fairly innocuous on the surface. But it sometimes goes like that, doesn’t it? When we’re reading the Bible and think the book or passage isn’t for us, or worse, if it’s for someone else instead (like, “I sure wish _____ was here to hear this! She needs it!”), it’s scalding hot water when we open our eyes to the truth. “Slaves, obey your masters…and masters, treat your slaves…” Not only does it have nothing to do with us, it’s pretty offensive. Why is the Bible giving us instruction on how to properly own other people or be owned people? This sounds like evidence for those that believe the Bible is outdated, at best, and horribly problematic, at worst.

(It’s not either of those, but we’re not going to get into that here, today.)

So, we all mostly checked out until the directive to do everything as if we were doing it for the Lord. I say “we” because, when I see some particular verses we’re studying for the first time, I wonder how in the world they are going to find some way in to our lives. But then we do, and the surprise only adds to the weight of the sledgehammer. Whatever I’m doing – singing, working on my Avengers puzzle, talking on the phone, deadlifting, dancing, writing this, cooking dinner, watching tv…whether I’m at work, home, the gym or grocery store, do it all as if I’m doing it for the Lord.

What if I’m tired, or sick, or irritable, or the job seems pointless, or my back hurts, or or or??? Still, as if it was for Him.

Taken a small, obvious yet scary, step further, if the things we are doing are for Him… Well, the rest of the passage is about how we treat each other, is it possible that… No, that can’t be possible.

Can it?

Jesus tells a parable where the sheep that got others a drink were getting Him a drink, and the goats that didn’t get others a drink were not getting one for Him. Taken together, are we to also treat everyone as if He/She were the Lord??? Everything & Everyone?

Tomorrow is Election Day in our country. What happens if we take these passages seriously, and do it as if we were doing it for the Lord? And (gasp!) treat everyone as if it were the Lord? If our Facebook posts and explicit flags/stickers had the beautiful Name of Jesus in the place of the people we hate most? What if we stopped thinking the monsters on the other side were stupid and uneducated and godless, and instead considered them made in the image of God, loved, accepted, holy? Would it become harder to treat others with our tongues dripping with venom if we woke up to the harsh truth that that nasty condescension was actually directed at Our Savior? What if we took seriously the command to love each other?

Do you think it would make a difference?

2 Things For This Week

Last week, we spoke about honor – what it is and how we do it. Both of these were surprisingly difficult. Many times, we use words that we cant exactly define. I think religion is full of these kinds of words. We’ve seen them enough to be able to pronounce them and use them correctly in sentences. “Honor” is easy enough to write sermons around, but becomes substantially more difficult if you carry it out just one more question, the dreaded, “what does that actually mean?”

Love is another. What does it mean to love your neighbor, or your enemy, your friends, parents, other drivers? For that matter, what does it actually mean to love your spouse??? We don’t ask, because it exposes us and we don’t like to sound like we don’t have everything together, especially if we don’t. As it turns out, maybe we’d all be exposed, if one of us would simply give voice to our vulnerability.

Anyway. What does it mean to honor someone? Better yet, what does it look like? I think it looks like listening. Asking questions. Saying something wonderful. Encouraging. Speaking truth. Trusting. Going first. Letting them go first. (I know they are direct opposites, but that doesn’t bother me and it shouldn’t bother you. It depends on the time and place. Sometimes, you can go first. Sometimes, I should. Not everything is strictly black and white, it’s a beautiful exploding gray.) And what does it look like to honor ourselves?

I asked these same questions Sunday, and I’m asking again, because the answers are different for all of us, and the only way we can find out how we can honor each other is if we ask, seek, & knock. Of course, it’s hard, and we don’t want to. We want to be honored, but to do the honoring is a different story altogether. But it doesn’t really matter if we want to or not, our communities and our world depends on if we show up to each other with love, and with honor.

The second thing I want to talk about is our Very Cool Thing Saturday. We’ll have a, well, what is essentially a party, a big rad shin-dig. At 6:30 I’ll talk about my book (Be Very Careful Who You Marry), then Olivia Farabaugh (Oliviafarabaugh.com) will play us in, then I’ll talk about Star Wars and the Resurrection and how that can change everything around 7, then after that she’ll play her songs and give her story, and we’ll leave around 9ish. She’s really extraordinary, in all sorts of ways, and you’ll love her.

Now, as far as our community goes, this was the idea from the beginning. We would create a place for artists (of any discipline) to express themselves in public, and in doing that, we would go to any/all lengths to affirm their divine spark, their identity in the image of a wildly creative God. And we would show up, and in that, we would affirm our Genesis 1 & 2 bend to be together, according to our design. What that means is that we would be together because it’s how we’ve been designed to be.

We would show up and welcome guests and love them, without regard to any label or imaginary division, and without reserve. It would be an opportunity to show the love of Jesus because that’s what we’ve been designed to do.

So, my second thing here is to invite you to come out to love and be loved. To come out to welcome Olivia and to be welcomed by Olivia. To hear how Luke Skywalker’s training on Degobah relates to our marriages, and to buy my book (ha!!). To meet my nephew’s girlfriends. But mostly, it’s really a chance to lean into our wonderful creation and be grateful, and I think we could all use more chances for that.

It’s Saturday at 6:30 at the Bridge, and it’ll be Very Cool, but it would be even more so if you’re there.

Decisions, Decisions

I think, if I had to pick one sentence from yesterday’s message that was the hardest to say, and to hear, it would be: “If he chooses to honor her, if she chooses to honor him…” Whatever comes next, those words are so charged with meaning and possibility. What if he did? What if she did? Then what?

I also wanted to share what I heard in a video on Instagram. An interviewer asked a woman if she was married, and she said yes. At this point, it was very light, she was smiley and easy-going. He then asked her if HE was happy. “Is he happy?” This was surprising, to her, and to me. She restated the question, making sure that she heard correctly, then said, “I thought you’d ask me if I was happy.” He said he wanted to care for him, too. I know, right!??! The mood between them changed, as if he attacked her. She became silent and sullen, finally saying, “**** you,” which I guess, answered the question without answering the question.

I wonder what we’d say if we were asked the same question about our relationships. More than just our marriages, would our friends say they’re happy and valued in our company? Do they feel important, heard, cared for, by us? How about our children? Just to be sure, I told the Angel, if anyone ever asked her, that yes, I was awfully happy. She told me she was, too.

If you had the courage to ask your husband/wife if he/she was happy, what would he/she say? Do you know the answer? Would they tell you the truth? How would you react if the answer was no? Would you be offended, would you pout and make them feel like they shouldn’t have answered so honestly? Would you respond the way that woman in the video did?

Of course, I want all of us to say “Yes,” but I am fully aware that many of us would not. In that case, would the answer change IF he chooses to honor her, IF she chooses to honor him?

One last observation. What is the only requirement to changing the environment between us? Or our environment anywhere? Our choice to act. If we knew we could change the space in our homes with one choice, would we make that decision? Would we stop keeping score, cutting with our words, detaching, punishing each other with our tones or disconnection? Would we speak positively, encourage, and support each other?

And, apparently, what I meant was 2 more observations. The 2nd is…what would our lives look like IF we chose to honor ourselves? Maybe that’s an even bigger ask. We often speak to us in a more destructive manner than we would ever speak to another. We commit such acts of violence towards ourselves, whether it is staying in abusive relationships, acting as if we are absolutely worthless in countless ways.

…And all (I say “all” fully knowing it’s a Herculean “all”) it takes is a choice. And then another, and another, and another. Until everything is different, a whole new creation.

Fall

My birthday has me reflecting on my own life, who and where I am, in a manner usually connected to New Years. Then, as I shared this with a very good friend, he said that he always gets pretty introspective in the fall. At the time, I didn’t see the obvious connection – of course, the fall is a natural time to turn our thoughts to transformation. Step outside and the evidence is all around us, every single thing is changing, the things that were one way now are becoming something new.

In my inbox today, I opened a corporate mass email that spoke about this very thing, called. “Falling Into Change: How to Embrace the Transformation of Seasons.” It read, “As we wave goodbye to summer and welcome the cool embrace of autumn, it’s the perfect time to reflect on the natural changes around us. The leaves aren’t the only things transforming—this season offers a chance to embrace personal growth and transformation, too…It’s a season that naturally invites reflection and renewal. While the trees shed their leaves, you can think of this time as shedding old habits, mindsets, or routines that no longer serve you…Fun Fact: Fall, also known as the autumnal equinox, marks a time of balance—equal daylight and night hours. This balance can inspire us to find equilibrium in our own lives. Maybe it’s time to balance work and play, or focus on both mental and physical wellness…Sometimes we have to let go of what was to make room for what will be. So, what can we learn from the trees?

1. Letting Go is Natural: Trees don’t cling to their leaves, they gracefully release them to make way for new growth. Take a page from nature’s book and release what’s holding you back—whether that’s fear, doubt, or even old habits. 2. Change Can Be Beautiful: Just like the vibrant fall foliage, transformation is beautiful. It’s easy to resist change, but when we allow ourselves to evolve, we often discover new and vibrant aspects of ourselves. 3. Growth Requires Patience: Just like nature doesn’t rush its transformation, you don’t have to either. Give yourself the grace to grow at your own pace this season.”

Now, some suggestions they give, which are quite helpful: “1. Set New Intentions: Fall is a perfect time for setting fresh goals. Whether it’s prioritizing your health, starting a new hobby, or simply adopting a more positive mindset, set small, achievable goals that align with the transformation you seek. 2. Declutter Your Space & Mind: Just as nature sheds, fall is a great time to declutter. Whether it’s your home, your schedule, or your mind, clearing out the unnecessary gives you space to grow. 3. Practice Gratitude: With Thanksgiving around the corner, gratitude is at the heart of the fall season. Reflect on what you’re thankful for and how those things have shaped your journey this year. 4. Embrace New Experiences: As the season changes, why not try something new? Whether it’s exploring a fall-themed activity like hiking, picking apples, or sipping on a new favorite warm drink, stepping out of your routine can ignite transformation.”

These are really great, right? These business blasts we mostly relegate to our “Junk” or “Spam” folder can be helpful, in the right context. I’m sharing them here for a few reasons. Transformation, Growth, Intention, and Gratitude clearly point to a Christian perspective. We check in to our own lives, show up with all of us, honestly, and evaluate where we are, what we’re doing and if those things are actually healthy and helping us. Then we seek Him, hold His hand as He leads us into a brand new life.

(Maybe next time, I’ll tell you about where my own journey, where the questions I’m asking, are leading me. Not today, though.)

We ask all of these questions on Sundays. The Bible asks these questions in nearly every verse, most often in the form of “Here’s the Truth, now what will you do with that????” Will we lean into our divine calling, or will we continue to hold with white knuckles to the lifestyle that may not serve us well anymore, maybe never has, or is actively destroying us?

All Truth is ours, we simply have to keep our minds and eyes open to see and claim it wherever we find it, even in our daily emails. There is a “however,” though. Not everything is Truth, not everyone is concerned with our finding life, and as we transform, we are learning to test what we encounter. This email is awesome, and it ends with, “Fall Into New Arrivals. Speaking of transformations, our Anniversary Collection is filled with fall-inspired designs to celebrate change in style. From natural earthstone bracelets to golden jewelry that shines as brightly as the autumn sun, our new arrivals are the perfect way to reflect the beauty of this season.”

There is Truth, but it is an advertisement, ultimately pointing to our cultural duty as consumers. That doesn’t mean it’s all meaningless, we don’t have to throw it all out with the bathwater because it’s got an agenda, it just means we need to learn to sift and sort. This makes me think of the Belt of Truth, which we are coincidentally discussing in our study of Ephesians. You can see, when our hearts, minds, and bodies are all awake and aware, we can (and probably will) find God weaving everything into the most beautiful tapestry of His grace for us.

What Will We Choose?

Sunday’s message was about one thing, but it certainly felt like a far bigger bridge to cross. We were talking about the words submission & love in the context of Ephesians 5, in a conversation about our marriage relationships, but so much of it felt like a message on the power of the tongue. The way we speak to each other has the power to build, and it also has the power to absolutely demolish.

Of course, this isn’t just the words we use. There’s a lot more to communication than what would be written on a transcript. There is our posture, non-verbal cues, expressions, body language. When I give these Sunday morning talks, it’s pretty easy to know what everybody thinks based simply on how they are sitting in the pews. A person leaning back with folded arms is having a very different experience than one who leans forward with wide, open eyes. And then, there are the ones who nod off – that’s something else altogether, with little to do with the content. Some scrunch up their faces, some smile, some physically turn their bodies away from me, some write (and it’s obvious if what they’re writing is about the message or funny notes to the one sitting next to them) and others are just patiently waiting for me to finish (and others not so patiently).

This hasn’t even touched on the heart postures we hold toward each other to affect the space between us. Brene Brown wrote a brilliant reference book, labeling & defining our emotions so we have the words to communicate what we are feeling effectively. Usually, we use 3 descriptions: happy, sad, mad. That’s it. But that isn’t nearly enough to adequately convey our current mental/emotional states.

She has a chapter called “Places we go when we feel wronged,” and lists “anger, contempt, disgust, dehumanization, hate, self-righteousness.” We know these are not the same feelings, but we’d often just say ‘mad.’ Contempt is not anger. Brown cites researchers that call contempt “perhaps the most corrosive force in a marriage,” and a “strong predictor of divorce.” My guess is that we didn’t need researchers to tell us that. We have seen the look of contempt, and when we see it in a relationship across the table, we know very well how far past the edge it has gotten and now can only helplessly wait for the official end.

Paul uses submission, respect, honor, and a million others in his letters, but they’re all really just love. These words are all choices. We choose to submit, respect…or to carry the wrecking ball of contempt. Like so much of the Bible, we are left with a BIG decision: What will we choose? Will we choose to heal or to cut further? Will we choose to set down the record of wrongs or put them under our pillows in bed? We have a lot more agency in this than we believe, we do have the power to write new chapters and create new worlds (we are made in the image of our God, and have His Spirit living in us, after all), if only we have the imagination to dream this new story.