Beach

Landscapes of Thanks

I’m thinking a lot about gratitude lately. And the so-called law of attraction. And Paul writing, in Philippians 4:11, “Not that I speak in respect to want, for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

[Before we go any further, I just used the 21st Century King James translation. I think that means that the King James translators got together and thought their work needed an update for modern readers. Then, they came up with this, decided to use the word “therewith” anyway. Sometimes, translations help us understand what we’re reading and other times, they don’t. I tried to read Dante’s Divine Comedy several times, unsuccessfully, until I found a translation that worked as a key that gave me access to the Italian in which it was written. The NIV translates Phil. 4:11 as “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Therewith that probably makes much more sense. Translations matter. If anyone tells you the one you use is wrong and the one they use is right, unless they are reading the original Hebrew or Greek, they are simply condescending to you, trying to use a mask of arrogance to hide their insecurities behind. But if you like the KJ21, enjoy!]

I’ll set a picture on this post to show you where I am, today, but that is not the only reason that I am grateful. I think that’s what Paul “learned,” and it is what I’m learning. If we can —— landscapes of thanks in our souls, then we start to see everything through those lenses… [that “——” is because I was looking for the right word. I first thought ‘cultivate,’ like gardens, where we till the soil, plant seeds, fertilize (feed) it with the right kind of good nutrients, then watch as the plant/flower/fruit/vegetable grows. We do the things to create an environment that will produce the kind of result we want. We don’t plant roses and expect tomatoes. We don’t plant resentment and bitterness and expect patience and kindness. But I could also use ‘forge,’ because we take a metal in raw form and put it under extreme heat, then hammer it into the shape or form we want. That certainly feels like it describes the process of human growth, doesn’t it. We are placed under stress, then beaten into new, sometimes shocking & unrecognizable creations. Both are purposeful, they don’t just happen. My yard has no apple trees or grapevines, because I haven’t planted them. The wrought iron railing at the school doesn’t look like an art installation.] …and what we end up seeing is grace. We see gifts everywhere we look. We notice beauty in all things. The little we might have suddenly become enough. Therewith we are content in everything.

The thanksgiving comes first, usually. We change the input for a more desirable output.

That’s where the law of attraction becomes useful. I don’t think it’s a law and the new-agey application can be selfish nonsense (ex: “I want a kajillion dollars or to play in the NBA.”) Just because we want something doesn’t make it true, but that doesn’t discount the entire theory. If I look for white Chevy Equinoxes (Equini?) on the road, I find them. If I look for people who are awesome and trustworthy and smart and funny, do you know what I find? Yep, awesome, trustworthy, smart, funny, people. If we look for beauty and grace, if we look for God’s love, we will always find it.

I used to think gratitude journals were pretty silly, but like most things, that said more about me than it did gratitude journals. And in actuality, the act of journaling, of writing in a book, might be the least important part of the process. If I know I have to write 3 things in my spiral diary of thanks, I am constantly aware of my life. Where are they? What am I thankful for? I walk around and interact with my life in a mindset of discovery. I am curious and open. And we never have trouble finding only 3.

It’s easy to be thankful and content with the Angel at the beach under a brilliant sun. As it turns out, it’s also not so hard to be thankful and content at home, on a rainy day, alone, when the Dallas Cowboys lose. It just takes more practice and an intentional focus. We can’t always change our circumstances, so that usually means the answer is that we are changed in those circumstances into grateful, content little fiery balls of love.

My Speedo

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This is going to be a very personal, difficult post to write…but I’m going to write it anyway. Maybe I’m just like ‘the kids’ today, where all of life is meant to be online, where it didn’t happen if it’s not on social media. It’s a logical extension of a movement that truly began in Madonna’s illuminating (and completely insufferable) documentary Truth or Dare, where Warren Beatty says, after Madonna refuses to talk to her doctor off-camera: “She doesn’t want to live off-camera, much less talk. There’s nothing to say off-camera. Why would you say something if it’s off-camera? What point is there existing?” Or maybe I just want to be honest with my life. If I’m going to write a blog where we relate authentically, why would I hold such a meaningful piece of me back? (I want it to be that 2nd one. I don’t want to be Madonna or a Kardashian, so let’s all just agree and say it’s the 2nd and go from there, ok?)  

I started in the sand at Rehoboth beach: As I lay here in my Speedo, I remember all of the time I spent fully dressed – self-conscious and embarrassed. I’d wear t-shirts in community pools, lakes, oceans…if I’d even go at all. Usually, I would lie about some made-up excuse and decline invitations. My body wasn’t perfect, lumpy where it should be flat and flat where it should have curves. [Who was it that decided what my body “should” look like? Who knows?]

How many times? How much did I miss?

I wouldn’t dig holes and make castles with my boys – something they absolutely LOVE to do (again, who knows why? The point is, they do) – because of how I would fold and my skin would roll. So they dug alone, and I watched from under layers of clothes and the chair extended enough to not scrunch my belly too much, sweaty and uncomfortable.

And for what? Why why why why why?????

Because THEY might think…um, what might they think?

That I wasn’t a professional athlete, bodybuilder or Abercrombie & Fitch model? That they might think I was just a person who is a child of the Living God, who leads a full life, loves his wife and children, works, writes, reads, eats great meals, likes jeans with a little stretch, and has no idea what his body fat percentage is or what his biceps measure?  

That’s ok, because that’s precisely what I am. (Except for the biceps measurement – I know that.)

How much time and energy have I spent distracted, wishing I were someone else, with someone else’s waistline or skin or paycheck or wit or whatever, while another beautiful moment of my life passed right on by. The number on a scale or letter(s) on a shirt taking precedence to the people and the places around me. What a crushing tragedy!

How much of my life have I not been present?

I’m finishing on my sofa in Cleona: So. I’ve been coming along with this, finding some deliverance from the stern body image monster whispering in my ear, until Angel decides to post a few pictures on Facebook. She shows me first, because she’s kind and respectful and the sweetest  woman this planet has ever known, and there it is…In the middle of a handful of perfectly lovely photos, there I am in, kind of sideways, more than kind of unflattering. You know how you sometimes see a picture of you and you ask, “do I really look like that?” The answer is always yes, and unflattering or not, this one is me, too. I wanted to un-check the box, but instead I handed her phone back and smiled, “They’re great!” Because they really, really are.

And I guess it’s small insignificant acts like those that are the things that really change us. We step out one tiny step further than we’ve ever gone, then there’s a brand new line waaaaay up there that’s scary and intimidating and we think, ok, we did this, but could never do THAT. Then we do, except it’s now just a small step because we’ve taken 100 microscopic tiptoes before this. Then another. And another.

And before we know it, this is our life and there we are, living it.