Today I am catching up on a few emails that have sat unread in my inbox. (Probably the proper plural form is ‘email,’ not ‘emails,’ but even if it is proper, it sounds ridiculous to me and I won’t use it, today or ever.) In one of them, I read this from a fitness/nutrition coach named Aadam Ali: “Most people only love the idea of change. But they don’t really want to change and do what needs to be done to become the person they want. I can give you all the tools you need to succeed and offer advice. But all the guidance in the world means nothing if you aren’t willing to commit and do the work that needs to be done.”
In another one, this time on motivation from Mark Manson, “When I’m feeling unmotivated or just outright lazy, I use what I like to call “The ‘Do Something’ Principle.” It’s based on the observation that action is not just the effect of motivation, it’s also the cause of it. That is, not only do we take action when we feel motivated to do so, but taking action creates motivation to take even more action. And so if we can just manage to do something—anything really—this almost always sets off a chain reaction where action begets motivation which begets more action which begets more motivation… and so on.”
First, I agree wholeheartedly with both of these perspectives. And second, you’d think this fits nicely with the New Year and the train of thought in the talks I’ve given over the last few weeks (new bowls, possibility, etc). Right now, though, it makes me a little uncomfortable.
You see, there is a general restlessness communicated in these messages. It’s unstated and subtle (and at least in my case, unintentional), but the implication is that who we are right now isn’t good enough, that what we’re doing right now isn’t enough.
Maybe we do need to change, maybe we do need to do ‘something,’ but the question is why. What drives us to desire this change, this transformation? Is it from a positive platform, a yes that invites us to step into a new way of living? Or is does it stem from a negativity that whispers discontent and disappointment into our ears, an ultimate no?
It’s very different to say, “I am going to (eat healthy or read my Bible or meditate or exercise or organize my closet or whatever) because this is all a gift, because I am loved and worth this attention, because I want to become more of who I have been made to be,” instead of, “I’m going to (eat healthy or read my Bible or meditate…) because I’m pathetic, I’ve ruined it, I have to flee from this that I am now.”
I think that the reason so many resolutions or diets or new leaves fail is because they’re taken from that second space, and where we might start fast, the thread that convinces us we are not good enough remains the foundation and is only a matter of time until it whispers again, but this time that we are not good enough to continue on this new path because we ‘always quit,’ or we are unworthy or whatever our particular negative narrative is.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that contentment is not the same a complacency, and rest is not the same as laziness. Maybe our entire perspective has to shift. Instead of hating ourselves into a new reality that may look different but feels eerily similar to the old one, perhaps love is a much better motivator. Instead of running from, we might try moving to. The verse is loving our neighbor as ourselves (we often forget that second part, right?) And I’m just not sure our impatient dissatisfaction with this messy, sweet, broken, wonderful, deeply flawed yet even more deeply beautiful person we are right now is very loving at all.