Today, the 4 of us (the Angel, my 2 sons, and I) sat down to play a board game. While the game isn’t too important to this post, it was called Hues & Cues. The board has 150ish color squares. One person draws a card with one of those squares on it, then that giver describes the color on the card first in one word, then the players place pieces on the square they think corresponds to the clue. Then, the giver’s second clue is in 2 words, then the players place another piece. (For instance, I had orange and I said “church” because it looked like the orange of the Bridge, then my second was “favorite color” because it’s my favorite color.) The guessers get points for how close they can get to the actual color, the giver gets points for how close the guessers are. It’s super simple and fun. Elisha won, The Angel complained about the game for the entire hour, then came in a close second. I was last by a mile, which makes me wonder if I my vision or my memory is a problem. (That’s not exactly true. I have won before, so I’m probably not broken, just had an off day. Maybe I told them I let them win.)

Before we played this game that I lost in spectacular fashion, we engaged in some serious conversation, and I was faced with a wonderful reality.

We have not always discussed/argued/disagreed/fought in totally constructive ways. Voices have been raised, offense has been taken, words have been said that deeply wounded those closest to us. But as was obvious today, we have come a long way in learning how to communicate through very difficult circumstances & topics. This may not always be the case, but it is today, and I thought of 3 observations.

First, our transformation usually occurs over long periods of time and is often unnoticeable from moment to moment. It’s like when you lose weight. You lose a fraction of a pound at a time so it seems to you like there’s no change, but when you see someone who hasn’t seen you in a month, you realize there has been change and it is striking. So, we keep moving, walking the path, with very few signposts that point out how far we’ve come. Today was one for us. When we are lucky enough to have a signpost, we must stop, look around, and feel (and express) our gratitude. It’s nice to grow, it’s important to appreciate the work and ground we’ve covered with the Holy Spirit.

Next, conflict isn’t awesome. With the exception of a very good friend of mine, nobody likes it. But without it, there’s no catalyst for movement. It requires honesty, grace, and love. If you didn’t care about the relationship, you wouldn’t wade into deep water, you’d just find a new pool. We open ourselves in the giving and the receiving and the ties that bind us grow tighter and tighter. Everyone the gets the opportunity to break free of our expectations and become more and more like the new creations we are.

And last: Mostly, when we are offended and respond in our offense, it’s because we are feeling insecure and/or inadequate. We are feeling some kind of fear, so we are hurt and lash out. We cannot accept any challenge to our fragile ego, anything that might suggest that we are not perfect and always right threatens our idea of our own value (based wholly on our performance) and that is terrifying. I believe what happened today was, 4 people operated out of a deep sense of worth, not tied to anything, with no conditions. 4 people knew they could be vulnerable, could receive criticism, fail, and consequently, were free to learn and evolve. Our identity is only found in God, not in our best or worst moments, not our behavior, our achievements, and not in our board game proficiency.

Maybe that’s what it means to find freedom in Christ. Or maybe it’s just a step in the path to that beautiful freedom. Either way, I’m thankful for who we are now, and who we are becoming.