I always get overwhelmed with emotions at this time of year. Looking at the past, dreaming of the future, but mostly looking around. Who am I, now? What am I doing? Where am I, and where am I going? We discussed new beginnings on Sunday, like every new year’s message, encouraging all of us to ask those same questions.

This exercise is one of mindfulness. As the Cheshire Cat so eloquently states, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” (Or, at least, that’s what we remember. It’s not exactly right. The Cat asks, “Where do you want to go?” Alice replies, “I don’t know,” to which the Cat responds, “Then, it doesn’t matter.” That might not be right, either. There are a thousand variations out there, and I’ve never seen the movie or read the book, and since I haven’t, I guess I don’t care – I know the story – so we’ll just use any. We get the point.) Jesus also asks a blind man, “What do you want me to do for you?” They’re different, but they come from, and are aimed at, the same heart posture. What are we doing? What do we care about? Why this, why now, why us?

What do we want, and what road will be take to get there?

Of course, we write all of this in pencil, and not pen, holding on loosely to the path. So much of our lives and world are uncontrollable, and most of our stress is trying to control what will not be controlled. That’s ok. It does speak to our inadequacy, but in a good way. We are not designed to control everything. I’m not sure where we ever got the impression that we are, so we can let that go. Our answers are simple self-evaluation, listening to our hearts & souls, and how the Spirit is gently leading us. Sometimes, this guidance is a whisper and, if we aren’t intentional, the deafening noise of everything else makes that whisper unrecognizable. Then, it’s years and years of reaction, and we wake up and have no idea how we ended up here.

This exercise also ends up being an exercise in gratitude, for me. Contentment and complacency are not synonyms. I am content, very happy, when I look around, I love this view. But I am not complacent. As much as I love this view, I know it’s not the end. I like the process of deciding what to keep, what to leave behind, what I’ll do, what needs my attention, and (maybe even more important) what does NOT need my attention. Some things that were great for me then, aren’t now.

I have a lot of cds – I was a collector of all sorts of music (vinyl, cassettes, even 8 tracks) – and one of my favorite things was to empty my racks onto the floor and reorganize them: genre, release date, straight alphabetical, any way I could imagine. This is how I see this construction, but using my life (demands, responsibilities, opportunities, possibilities) instead of cds.

My purpose doesn’t ever change. I am still carrying out the great Commission, loving all people everywhere I go, everywhere I can, but how I do that can transform over time. As far as that purpose goes, I don’t know if I’ve ever been more committed than right now. That is my direction, my path, and it’s the perfect path for me. (I might suggest it is the perfect path for all of us – just the “how” we travel that path changes.) And I get to ask one of the most exciting, scary, beautiful questions: “Now what???”