Yes, it’s the sort of cold that hurts our souls, and there’s not much more to be said about that. Here are 3 Proverbs, instead.
(Prov 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”)
(Prov 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”)
(Prov 20:24 “A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?”)
So, ‘How can anyone understand their own way?’ Really? But I neeeeeed to understand my own way!!!!! As a matter of fact, I usually need to understand everyone’s ways. But there are an awful lot of verses in the Scriptures that point in this direction (the number gets overwhelming if we include those on stress, worry, anxiety, and fear, and of course, as they are all linked so closely, we have to include them), it’s hard to imagine that they were all in error.
Obviously, some passages were mistakes, like “Love your enemy,” or “Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” (Phil 2:3-4) Ha! Sure!
Anyway, there are just so many on our plans and steps, they seem to be there on purpose…
We so so often plan our course, we stay up nights trying to understand the roads we travel. My hands are tired and cramped, white-knuckled from grasping for some kind of control. And that’s really what this is all about, right? Control. Control over my circumstances, over my environment, over others’ response to me, over everything.
In 2011, there was a flood where our house went under water and all the stuff we have floated away, became all the stuff we had. The rain represented so many things, but none hurt more than the fact that I had zero control over the rain, the rising water, or the insurance adjusters and companies – I lived happily under the delusion that I could take care of us, I could protect us, keep us safe and secure. And as I swam out of my basement and ran down the street, water above my waist, that delusion was washed away with everything else. And I miss that way more than I miss anything that was in that house.
I still fight that truth, every now and again. I spent the last several months struggling to understand the road I travel, making many plans for my course, where I belong, what I should be doing, what’s next, what do I do with this, and on and on. You understand.
Eventually, as these struggles so often do, I took a breath and let go of the rope that was tearing my palms and exhausting me. And I have a new limp from that struggle.
I wish He would make His purpose a little clearer, with a longer view. I’d like it if He’d show me the steps He determines. (Maybe I would, or maybe I wouldn’t like that as much as I think I would, but that’s a conversation for another day)
But… I suppose that’s what faith is. If I could see it, I wouldn’t have to trust, I wouldn’t have to let go of the rope that cuts me, the rope that imprisons me. I suppose Abraham’s sacrifice was so powerful because he didn’t know the ram was there. He just had the next thing.
And so do I.

Thank you Jen Liedtka for bring us the message this week.

This week our service was putting together shoe boxes for Samaritan’s purse.  We put 102 boxes together.  It’s a super fun project and we love being able to serve these children in this way.  Here are a few pics from the day.  Thank you to everyone who helped in so many different ways.

We had some trouble recording the Bible Study in October, but there are the notes from the teaching.  Enjoy!

The Gospel of the Kingdom

At the Cleona Playground for our service!

I didn’t read one book in school. Usually, my grades were based on the accuracy of Cliffs’ Notes or a generous fellow student, who would attempt to give me a complete synopsis in the 3 minutes between classes, on the way to the test. My knowledge of Lord Of The Flies or 1984 was paper-thin and wouldn’t hold up to discussion, but was often good enough for a C-, which was more than good enough for me.
Everything changed when I withdrew from my second semester of college. I couldn’t tell you why I picked it up, (probably a girl) but the uninspired monotony of my rudderless existence was disrupted by Kurt Vonnegut, and Slaughterhouse-Five. At the time, it was impossible to know if I fell in love with books, that book, or the man that wrote it (as it turned out, it was all three), but I was certainly in love. I read everything he wrote, several times each, and of all the things I lost in the flood, that collection is mourned more than anything else.
Anyway, why do I tell you this? Because I’m reading the library’s copy of Slaughterhouse-Five now, and there’s this quote I wanted to share with you: (on human beings) “They do not love one another because they do not love themselves.”
Of course, this is a reference to a line from Jesus, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Mountains of sermons exist on loving our neighbor, yet we all-too-often don’t. The news is full of the many ways we do the opposite, our lives jammed with more examples of our failure to love our neighbors. So, why? Why don’t we love each other? Why do we judge and discriminate and ostracize and tear down and gossip and belittle and resent and withhold and control and wound?
I’m more convinced now than I was when I read it for the first time, that Kurt Vonnegut was absolutely right. The sermons we heard as kids when our parents forced us to sit in church, or from TV evangelists, was from 2 genres. First, way deep down, your primary identity is a filthy sinner. And second, straighten up and follow the rules, of which loving your neighbor was a big one. Is it any wonder we couldn’t (and can’t) love each other? We are trying to give away something we don’t have, instead of ‘out of the overflow of our heart.’ We are trying to put the oxygen masks on others before wearing our own.
Now, I do not shy from the subject of sin – grace is only truly understood with a knowledge of sin. But the story of us doesn’t start with sin, its first mention is in the 3rd chapter of Genesis. I didn’t start reading Slaughterhouse-Five at page 27, I don’t start Wonder Woman 20 minutes in, why do we do that with something as vital as the Scriptures?
Lately, our conversations in Nehemiah have focused on the promises, the gifts, the grace of God, hope and expectation, and living into our divine design (well, I suppose it’s not just ‘lately’). I don’t think the biggest problem for most of us is that we love ourselves too much, it’s quite the opposite – and the masks we wear of arrogance and self-obsession do little to conceal this fact.
Kurt Vonnegut’s books are wonderful, but they’re works of fiction. The Bible is the truth, and every word of it speaks to our worth, value, and identity. If we would only see ourselves as our Creator does, we could finally understand what it is to be loved, without reason or limit, and then, anything is possible. Everything is possible. Even loving one another.